Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Super Mario Turtles Battle the Pink Robots, Pt. 1



                You enter the world imagining you can do anything, because your mind knows you can do anything, because your mind is aligned with the universe. 

                 Then reality piles up around you and you realize you can’t do anything because you’re so helpless and small and inexperienced.   

                  I don't know how you deal with that.  I hope it's still working, whatever it is.

                  If you’re like me, someone eventually makes you go somewhere before and after school, and that place will have a super connector that will open you up to a world beyond your wildest dreams.  Not only will the world be at your fingertips, but you will actually control this world with your fingertips.  No longer small and helpless, you walk through the Himalaya Mountains, run through the Amazon Jungle, traverse the Sahara Desert, swim in the deepest depths of the Pacific Ocean and find the gold star atop the pyramids.  If you pay attention to the clues on how to solve the puzzles as you play, fight hard and persist toward your goal, there just might be a princess waiting to meet you.  And if you’re really lucky, she’ll join you for your next adventure and conquer the world in her own way.  If you’re a woman, I’m sorry that there weren’t more games where you got to fight and win a prince.  There should be.  Then again, if you’re reading this, you’re likely past the video game stage, and you’ll be happy to know that it's much more fun to do this in real life.  I'm still working on it, walking around the world, solving its puzzles, fighting against my own self, persisting towards something that I hope is the best, but until then, I try to enjoy the rest between each fight test, with increasing finesse and authentic zest.

                I grew up in suburban America, on Long Island, a place that used to be beautiful with wetlands, marshes and meadows, and was slowly transformed into one long strip mall.  I shouldn’t speak as though that’s my own nostalgia, as it had been transformed by the time I entered the world, and it was my father and grandfather who reminisced about the good old days of wide open spaces where you could still have an adventure in your backyard.  Although shy in public, I was very rambunctious when left to my own devices playing in the backyard.  I had endless energy and enthusiasm when I played with my imagination.  I loved running and dreaming.  My mother thought I had an imaginary friend named “Lenny” because I kept running back and forth and yelling stories and beginning every sentence with, “And then he.. And then he… And then he…”, but she thought I was saying, “And Lenny did this, and Lenny did that.”  When I was old enough to go to school, my mom had to go to work as a social worker and drop my sister and me at the babysitter’s house.  They only lived a few blocks away, but her kids owned Japan’s greatest treasure: a Nintendo Entertainment System.

                I was five years old the first time I played Nintendo.  Since we were guests we always had to wait our turn to play Super Mario Bros., Duck Hunt and Duck Tales.  I loved all of them, and had a strange connection with Duck Hunt because my dad’s passion is duck hunting, and Duck Tales because his passion is carving and painting duck decoys.  I have never shared either passion with him, but back then it seemed like I did somehow.  Either way, Super Mario Bros. was the best adventure ever.  And Super Mario Bros. 2 and 3 were even better.

                Everything you need to know about life is in Super Mario Brothers.  All you have to do to find your love is to hop over the bad guys, and if they won’t leave you alone, jump on their head and they’ll get the idea.  Everything you see has a question mark on it, and the only way to find out if there’s treasure inside is to use your head.  And of course, who can forget the power-up mushrooms?  They’re rare and cloaked in mystery, but if you use your head and eat the mushroom, you’ll not only feel bigger with greater confidence and stamina, but you might even get a powerful 1-up for your life.  And if you’re really lucky, you’ll find an invincibility star, and no one in their right mind will mess with you after that.  I don’t remember the music on Super Mario Brothers for Nintendo, but my parents eventually caved in and bought me a Game Boy for my sixth birthday, so I spent most of my youth playing the black-and-white version of Super Mario Land.  On the plus side, the invincibility song was the “Can-Can” dance.

                My other favorite game, for both Game Boy and Nintendo, was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  They were a cartoon creation based on the ancient art of Ninja from Japan, although besides that there wasn’t really anything Japanese about them.  They were enormous mutant turtles who lived in the sewers with a master rat because society wouldn’t accept them for who they were.  But they saved the day anyway, and seemed to have an awesome time while doing it.  Most of my young vocabulary came from that show, words like “awesome”, “dude” and “gnarly”.  They also loved pizza.  Better yet, they were named after four of the greatest artists in the history of the world: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael.  I didn't appreciate that then, but I do now.  They each had cool Japanese weapons, such as a sword, nun-chucks, a staff and sais.  They beat the evil Shredder, the leader of the Foot Clan, time and again.  I definitely spent a lot of age six beating the Ninja Turtles game on a two inch screen.

                When I moved upstate to the country with my family, I didn’t have any friends the first few weeks of summer and then school.  Luckily, my parents had finally consented to letting me buy my own Super Nintendo Entertainment System with all of the birthday and Christmas money I had saved from relatives.  They were very reluctant to do so because they thought it ruined my imagination and would lead to me spending more time on my butt in front of a television and less time running around outside.  Since I’d become obsessed with sports there was no way to stop me from running around outside, and video games actually served as a perfect balancing act for recreation when I was too physically tired from the outdoors.  My mom even had to concede that it was better than most TV because at least I was interacting with the images and completely involved in everything that happened, participating in the world instead of merely observing and absorbing it.

                That’s how I got countless hours of training exploring the world of the newest form of human imagination.  By then Super Mario had upgraded to Super Mario World (where he rode a dinosaur named Yoshi) and Super Mario All-Stars, which consisted of all three major Super Mario Bros. games from the original Nintendo on one cartridge.  More importantly, Donkey Kong Country entered my life.  Donkey Kong Country was the most cutting edge game ever created at the time.  The graphics were more visually stunning and three-dimensional than anything before it, and most importantly, it was really fun and fluid.  You simply ran and bounced and rolled and hopped across the board, (1161) collecting bananas in search of your misplaced horde.  I remember thinking back then that there must have been something special about Japan if they could figure out how to design all of these cutting edge games before anyone else.  The end credits had plenty of Western names, but all of those funky Japanese names that scrolled by made it evident that they were the true masters of the art form.  That and they were clearly the ones designing the weird yet irresistibly catchy theme music.

                It wasn’t until 8th grade that I had an actual real life encounter with Japan, and that, like most of my international experience, was brought to me by my sister.  She had started a habit of befriending most of the exchange students at our school because she’d spent so much time meeting people from around the world in hospitals and developing an insatiable hunger for knowing more about the world, and not just the world where she had to live, but the entire world with all of its beautiful differences and contradictions.  I went to Japan because my sister showed me it was worth being interested in beyond video games.

                When I was thirteen Emily befriended Toshiko from Tokyo.  She stayed with a nice family in town.  They liked camping a lot, but Toshi was a city girl, so she found herself hanging out at our house with Emily so many weekends that she was practically another member of the family.  She was a senior and I was only in middle school, but she praised me to no end because I worked hard in school, did well at sports and didn’t get into trouble.  Whenever my older sister was mean to me or criticized me--as it’s every older sibling’s duty to do to make the younger sibling tough--Toshi would jump to my defense and tell Emily to leave me alone and be nice to me.  Except for the time I played basketball in the driveway with my boots on because it was muddy.  Toshi liked fashion, and she approached me as soon as I came inside and said, “Ben, you are perfect, but why do you wear BOOTS when you play basketball?  You shouldn’t do that!”  I just really loved playing basketball, and it was too muddy to use my basketball sneakers.

                A year later Toshi came back to stay with us for most of the summer, and she brought her best friend Kadumi with her.  Thus, the summer before I entered high school, I had these two Japanese girls living in my house, mostly hanging out with my sister, mostly praising how perfect I was because I was the shorter non-threatening younger brother. Then again, they were also very confused by my strange sense of humor and hard rock musical preferences.  

               One night they made Japanese desserts for us, and I was so picky that I wouldn’t try anything.  Actually, that’s not surprising at all, since I didn’t try most American food either, but still, I regret that looking back.  Apparently Emily didn’t even try it, which was strange for her.

                They loved staying with us so much that they came back the next summer too, right before we got our own exchange student, Linda.  That's also the summer that they asked me if they could touch my butt.  I have a very photographic memory of the incident.  We had all returned home from some kind of event, and out of nowhere Toshi asked me, "Ben... can we touch your butt?"  I was hopelessly awkward around girls then anyway, let alone women who were five years older, and I wasn't sure how to answer.  They explained it by saying they played a game with their friends in Japan where they squeezed each others butts to see how firm they were, and they wanted to find out about me.  So I said yes.  I stood confused and nervous in the driveway while they each grabbed a handful and began ecstatically exchanging exclamations in Japanese.  "Oh Ben, you have a very nice butt!  Thank you!  That was the game.  Good bye.  You should be happy though. Your butt is very nice."

                  After that I remember being interviewed by Toshi and Kadumi their last night at our house.  We were having a barbecue outside, and they wanted to know if I would ever marry a woman who was older than I was.  I shrugged my shoulders and said “sure”.  They whispered in Japanese.  Then they asked if I would ever marry a woman who was from a foreign country.  I said, “Why not?”  More whispers.  They thanked me for my time and excused me.  Supposedly Kadumi considered me good marriage material if I turned out like my dad.  I looked at that as both a good and a bad thing, since I was only 14, and I was just starting to develop a certain competitiveness with him and desire to become my own person.  It was a nice sentiment, and Kadumi met her soul mate a month later and has been happily with him ever since.  They got married last year.  He's great and calls her Thomas the Tank Engine because of her wide-eyed "wow" look at the world.  I think it's because she's always tugging people up hills and saying "I know you can" and then letting them go when she knows they can handle it.

                When they left they were extremely grateful for all of the time they had spent with us, and made us all beautiful gifts.  They gave me a special stamp with my name’s Japanese symbol on it, and better yet, Kadumi created signs with traditional Japanese calligraphy for each of us, which isn’t as simple as jotting a note down in English.  It takes years of practice.  She asked me beforehand what I wanted mine to say, and I was really into the band Nirvana back then, so that’s what she made for me.  I hung it on my wall and it still hangs on my wall.  I had some Cobain lyrics underneath it, “I’m not like them, but I can pretend.  The sun is gone, but I have a light.  The day is done, but I’m having fun.  I think I’m dumb.  Maybe I’m just happy.”  You know, how every teenager feels at some point.  I didn't actually understand the kanji characters and never really did, but I knew what it was supposed to mean, and more importantly, I knew it had been created for and given to me by people who had lived here even though they definitely weren't like us, and they had still found a way to enjoy this place, so I could too.  And maybe there was a place to be out there for me where fitting in was a reality.  Then again, I was fourteen, so I was being overly dramatic about feeling alone.

                The best part was the note that Toshi and Kadumi left for me:

                          Dear Ben,

                          Your putt is sooooo sweet and so are you.  
                          Tell us when you get a GF.  Try more food.

                          Your sisters,

                          Toshiko and Kadumi 

                  They must have meant "butt" because I hated golfing, and "GF" meant girlfriend.

                  The next time Toshi visited she came alone and could only stay with us for a few days. By then I was seventeen, driving the Quest and introducing her to my first girlfriend.  I still needed to improve on the food front.

                I didn’t give Japan much more thought until sophomore year of college.  My friend Brian and I wanted to visit Risley Hall, the artsy dorm, for the first time.  He had a friend whose friend was playing a show in this little café attached to the dorm, so we went and checked it out.  I’ll never forget the first song they started playing, because I’d barely heard it in years.  It was an indie rock version of Willy Wonka’s “Pure Imagination”.

Come with me, and you’ll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look and you’ll see
Into your imagination
We’ll begin with a spin
Traveling in the world of my creation
What we’ll see will defy explanation

                The next song they played has been one of my holy hymns throughout my 20’s, and I was hearing it for the very first time that night.  I remember being instantly drawn in by the wacky guitar rhythm and insane opening lyrics:

Her name is Yoshimi
She’s a black belt in Karate
Working for the city
She has to discipline her body
Because she knows that it’s demanding
To defeat those evil machines
I know she can beat them…

                I asked Brian what they were singing and he said it was a Flaming Lips song.  I knew the name.  I’d worked the previous summer at a personal injury law firm in Albany, a depressing job in a depressing city.  It was my first full summer of work at a white-collar job, and I did not like it at all, especially since it was personal injury law and I was the-bottom-of-the-ladder errand boy.  I couldn’t get over the fact that I had to wear a dress shirt and khaki pants all summer, not to mention my first experience with rush hour traffic and hour-long commutes to and from work.  Somewhere in there I remember being in the conference room and opening up the local paper to see an interview with The Flaming Lips about their upcoming show at The Egg in Albany.  Apparently they were renowned for their insane cosmic circus live performances.  I hadn’t really heard of them until then:

Oh Yoshimi, they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those robots defeat me
She’s gotta be strong to fight them
So she’s taking lots of vitamins

                I immediately downloaded the song when we got back, and listened to it every day for months.  I finally dipped my toes into the rest of their catalog with “Do You Realize??”, a far more moving and profound message, but somehow not as catchy and meaningful to me at the time.  It was a year before I got the entire album, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which had been recorded in June of 2002 in upstate New York.  My class graduated from high school in June of 2002, and Bonnaroo started then too.

                The following semester I found myself sitting beneath a sign post looking out over the ocean at Japan, dreaming of just how crazy it would actually be to live there.  Living in New Zealand had already been a far out adjustment for me.  I couldn’t fathom just how hard it would be to live in a country with a different language, alphabet, culture and cuisine.  NZ cuisine wasn’t anything to shout about, but you could always find something familiar enough.  But if I ever went to Japan, I would have to eat Japanese food, and I didn’t think I could do that.  I don’t think I’d even had any Japanese food at all at that point in my life.  Now this is nothing in comparison, but when I was younger my strangest characteristic was eating dry cereal.  Every morning I ate Cheerios with no milk.  I finally started adding milk in college.  At that rate of improvement, I would be able to survive in Japan in another 434 years.

                Even so, that sign was clearly pointing to TOKYO...


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