WHAT'S IN YOUR HUMP?

"The camel has a big dumb ugly hump.  But in the desert, where prettier, more streamlined beasts die quickly of thirst, the camels survive quite nicely.  As legend has it, the camel carries its own water, stores it in its stupid hump.  If individuals, like camels, perfect their inner resources, if we have the power within us, then we can cross any wasteland in relative comfort and survive in arid surroundings without relying on the external.  Often, moreover, it is our “hump”—that aspect of our being that society finds eccentric, ridiculous, or disagreeable—that holds our sweet waters, our secret well of happiness, the key to our equanimity in malevolent climes"  

 - Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins

A few days ago after class I was walking down the street and saw a packet of Camel cigarettes on the ground.  Ever since reading that Robbins book I find myself taking a look at these pyramid packages.  It turned out that this one was different.  It said "Celebrate Hump Day" on it, which was fitting since it was Wednesday.  The picture was different, with the camel taking up more of the picture than usual.

So on Thursday I did a listening exercise with the class where I read the above Robbins quote and had them list the nouns, then the verbs, then the adjectives.  Then we discussed what it meant.  After that, I had them describe something about themselves that most people thought was strange, and then explain how actually it was a strengthening device in their life.  If they didn't want to get too personal, they were welcome to describe their culture or country instead.  Once they were finished writing, I let them volunteer to share in front of the class.  After that I called on them telling them they were free to say no, but they all said yes (except one girl who had joined the class that day).

As always, we learned a lot.

Afterward, they asked me about my "camel hump."  At the start I had offered examples that probably weren't very good.  I told them that I'm pretty much willing to talk to anybody, at least for some amount of time, because you will always learn something, even if it's by counter-example.  Even if what they're saying is contrary to everything you know to be true from deep within you and all around you, there might be a word or a phrase or an expression in there that will serve as a vital clue to get you to whatever dream you're supposed to.  Someone told me that that isn't weird, it's a great thing.  I think so, but not everybody does.  After all, there are a lot of... different people, and if you're willing to be open with them, you'll find yourself spending your time with some pretty questionable characters.  Even worse, you might find yourself liking them, because you realize that their camel hump is actually hiding some sort of beautiful treasure.  That makes me think of gangster rap.  I was raised as a small white boy who had really loving and safe parents, giving me a great life in the suburbs and countryside.  Even so, I find myself drawing valuable inspiration from men who live and grow within seemingly completely different circumstance.  Yet we actually face the same basic fundamental universal battles when you get down to the life and death truth of the dream.  Maybe you don't like or can't identify with everything they're saying, but having them smoothly flow poetic verses over heavy beats and creatively tell stories about being brave and going for their dreams really helped me do the same, and still does.  Amongst many other artists, of course.  After all, inspiration can come from anywhere.

I didn't mention the rap stuff to my students though.  Instead I said something about my reddish hair getting me picked on as a kid but getting me ahead of the line at a bar in New Zealand for some reason.  I was better at giving them suggestions based on their own cultures and already openly admitted quirks, putting positive spins on everything they said.  After listening to them, I figured out the camel hump that was on my mind at the time...

Years ago I graduated from a great school with great grades.  On top of that, after years of taking standardized tests that told me to be a lawyer or civil engineer, I had done incredibly well on the LSAT (law school standardized admission test).  I had no intention of being a lawyer, but I wanted to know that I could do it, if only to make me feel better about walking away from it.  Of course, my first job ended up being as a banking paralegal in Manhattan, which would have helped my law school application if I had still intended to pursue that path.  I knew long before then that I wouldn't though.  That's because I knew that I loved life the most when I was able to free my energies enough to focus on life's many mysteries, poetry and potential adventures that could turn into enlightening stories told beautifully.

After all these years, I'm very happy with the choices I've made, and I've had so many beautiful enjoyable experiences around the world that it's hard to keep track at times.  Then again, I barely have any money right now, and the college debt still looms.  Because of that, I live in a place that's located somewhere fun and exciting, but has some questionable tenants who drive me out of my mind from time to time.  After a long winter I've decided I'm not really bothered by that, since it's just my base to explore this place, and it's way better than where I started in New York.  I'll get more work and sell a book soon, whatever kind of treasure boon that brings back to me.  Even if my book is the best book ever written, not that many people know who I am, so it's going to take a lot of extra ingenuity, creativity and will power to get it out to as many eyes and minds and hearts as possible.

When answering my students, I told them that the strangest thing about me that most people might not understand, at least not in my culture, is that I gave up the opportunity to make lots and lots of money so that I could experience and learn as much as possible of the world while I was still young, energetic and free enough to do so, and therefore be relatively poor.  That is, financially poor compared to my college classmates, not my current housemates or the people all over the world who have basically nothing.

That being said, even though it's a gamble, I've reasoned that my potential to make the most money possible in this world is through storytelling, in whatever form.  It takes a lot of hard work, talent and timing, but the potential highest spiritual and financial rewards for creating inspiring pleasurable stories would be far greater than whatever the legal world had to offer me.  I also think I could do far greater good for this world through storytelling than I could as a lawyer doing humanitarian or environmental projects.  I'm glad people do that, but it's not where my good does the most.

When I was a paralegal, a millionaire attorney at the office party asked me if I was going to law school.  I lied and said that I was thinking about it.  He said, "Good!  Because if you'd said 'yes,' we'd have to fire you for being an idiot!  The junior executives at Goldman Sachs got $30 million bonuses yesterday.  BONUSES!  How do you go to work the next day?!"  And he was taking in several million a year.  Money isn't evil at all.  It's exchanged for goods and services.  But it sure has poisoned your mind if you can't be happy with a million smiling pyramids in your bank account.  If I sold a book or several books and accumulated that kind of cash, I would use it to have a stable beautiful home, travel the world more, and share it with as many friends and needy people as possible.  I would also invest it into whatever equipment was necessary for me to tell stories in as many cutting edge ways as possible.  If I were in the position to have children, I'd start saving it for them.  I'm not at that point though, so I don't worry about it.  Besides, you can't buy a beautiful sunrise, laugh from a friend, or genuine smile from a woman.

I ended the class with one of my favorite quotes that I came upon in New York, from Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov.  My first writing hero, Kurt Vonnegut, said that everything you needed to know about life was in that book.  I didn't believe him, so I read many other books before and afterward.  Then I made a huge collection of wisdom from all the books I'd read in my 3 years in New York, and it's still sitting as an overflowing binder on my bookcase.  After all of that, I think Kurt was right.  The opening quote to the wisdom collection is:

"But tell me, Karamazov, am I being ridiculous at this moment?"

 "Why don't you stop carrying on about that?  Just forget about it altogether!  Anyway, what does it mean, being ridiculous?  There are so many different ways a man may seem funny to someone else.  Especially these days when anybody who has any talent appears to be morbidly afraid that he may appear ridiculous.  That's why so many gifted people are unhappy.  The only surprising thing is that you've started feeling this way when you're still so young, but I've noticed it in many other young people too... there's no need for you to be like the rest."

"Even if everybody else becomes like that?"

"Yes, even if everybody else becomes like that.  Be the only one who is not like it.  Besides, you ARE different, because you weren't ashamed to admit to me things that you consider bad or even ridiculous in yourself.  Who else today is willing to admit such things?  No one.  In fact, they've lost even the need to admit that they're wrong even when they know they are.  So be different from the others, even if you are the only one who is different from all the rest."

Enjoy your camel's hump in full play today.